Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
