well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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