i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
