She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
