Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
