it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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