I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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