Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
