I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
