I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
