I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
