She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
