No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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