Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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