stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
