You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
