I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
