Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
