dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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