Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
