so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
