the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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