K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Don't make out with my wife yet
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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