Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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