We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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