Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
