And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
