I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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