In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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