I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
