Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
