that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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