k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
