im about as happy as oj after his trial
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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