she takes plan B like it's going out of style
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
