You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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