that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
