quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
