I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
