I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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