I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
