I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
