i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
