Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
