I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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