I think i peed on brittanys purse
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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