I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
