you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
