Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
