I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
