I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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