Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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